Last.

So today I went out with friends. Having restless night but waking early for a test. I'm like easily exhausted throughout the trip.

So stalkers. Farewell stalkers. Sorry for putting up an extreme unladylike post before the end.

Maybe he cares, but I hate the way misunderstandings happened. I hate the way my day, my night, my sleep got affected badly. I love that you care, but hate that the way you did it made me shitty. Sorry for scolding you like that. You made me.

So farewell stalkers. Ask me, maybe I'll give some true updates. No matter what, I'm killing this blog. For the sake of my already shattered heart.

Well farewell.

#Spm2015 Chinese

Hell naw.

So today was Chinese. Paper one? As usual, hard as hell. Paper two? Unusually ok. I think. That inspiration was there. That stupid flu was there. Anyway I wrote about a friend's story. The title was "Fly, my young heart". Should be a sweet one. I'm moderately quite satisfied. Idk. And people around me didn't do that title. I hope it's interesting enough to brighten up the examiner's head. It's a perspective from a dad, forcing his daughter to take his business. Daughter wants something else. I guess describing her as a bird trapped in a cage was good enough? Anyway he set her free by letting her follow her heart. :3

So... that's it. It's over.
Someone promised me something. That someone, then called it off.

Ah let's stop..
Be positive.

So it's over. I guess I can start all my plans. Before that, I told mom to take me a pic before I take these off. She didn't. So I asked my sister to help. She can't make me a little photogenic ugh. At the end I took a selfie instead.
This is stupiddd.

Last day of high school. I never climbed the gates, I never scolded that piece of shit. There's lots of shits I've never done, but I'm so fine with it. I guess I've done whatever I could to get close with people I like. I've done whatever I could to make some crazy friendships. High school. The bravest thing I did was giving him a peck. :3 It's over now.

They say loving someone is by choice, not by feelings. Yup. By choice. My plan for the future: Never fall in love anymore.

At least it happened. The most memorable year of all. I'll remember. I'll remember that feeling.  

Back to guitar.

So. In progress of turning life back to normal. I got back to class. A month not touching the guitar, my thick ugly layer of fingertip skins are long gone. Before this pause, my teacher started a new piece with me, that's my second grade 8 exam piece. That time, I successfully played half page without looking. How about now?

Miracles! Haha. Musicians are weird. I played, and stopped at the same spot where I stopped last time. Kinda amused. 😂😂 I remember this part there's a finger-switching.

"if you used the correct way to memorize, then it will stay in your head."

Shit's got crazy.
A week and a half will be camp. He's making me duet with a girl, and lmao my skin's not back yet, never even practiced, perform? Damn. Give me a break.

Wish me luck.

Reset

Okay let's start all over again.
I can't reset my memory but I can reset the way I do things.

It's tomorrow. After tomorrow, Spm's over. I'm gonna keep my head occupied with lots and lots of books. (Fiction, encyclopedia etc yay)

So, I'm underweight. I should workout & gain muscles. xD already thirsty to train back that stamina. Aaaaah.

Haih. I miss eating pizza again. Have you ever imagined eating those super huge pizzas like from Facebook.. one slice is like one large pizza.

Ughh I want thattt.
.......fuck what am I doing.

Ahh I wanna watch horror movies.

Life is boring when exam's over but you still have study mood. I'm gonna get pre U books early.

:D

...

Killer

And so because all of the subjects finished except Chinese, I read a book. Reading speed hasn't decreased yet, but still I gave up the last short story at the behind. It's too hard to continue, cuz it's traditional Chinese and the story is written partially in 文言文 form.

It's the killer series by Giddens. Some of them made me cry like mad. A killer's life could be as sad as hell. Some ended alive, some dead.

He put the gun back into his coat after realizing that his target has lost her sight. They had conversations and kinda became chat mates.
"You're here to kill me, aren't you?"
"Yeah. You're so young, why would someone want to kill you?"
"My fiancee's father hired you."

There's a couple. The guy's parents planned his marriage for business purpose, so their relationship was rejected. He brought her and left. There was an accident, he died but she lost her eyesight.

The truth was, he did not die.

Killer pushed her wheelchair. She asked to stop when she heard that familiar meows.
Her fiancee stood right in front if her, tears trickling down without any sound, releasing the kitten so it went to her.
"Awh I missed you."

"What's your last wish that I can do for you?"
"Meet my fiancee."
And so he pulled the trigger.

"Your smile looks different from the photo."
"I only smile like that when I'm happy."

Why is the world full of sad people

Away

I lied. Told him I'm going to bed, about an hour ago. Once again, yh, don't get close to anyone. Don't let anyone get close to you.

If you talk to me, I'll reply. That's all. If we click, then just be it. That's all. After some time, you'll get bored and stop anyway. I don't mind that at all. This is wrong. This is different. Too many days consecutively. Too weird. They're fake. Who else can't pretend when they wanna hit on someone? Not saying hit or what. They're fake.

Does anyone take opportunities to make friends, unintentionally because the other party is just so friendly? And you're like an asshole, ignoring over and over again, suddenly* Snap! The bond broke.

People get tired that easily. But will they go back? He came back. Will you? Always imagining "miracles", but I don't trust miracles. I don't trust luck. There's no such thing as luck. It's either you're born smart, or you have to work hard to be smart. "Good luck" ? No. Anyway if you are born smart and you use that advantage to beat everyone around you, one day, everyone's gonna beat you, and you suck. You'll fail because everyone's become more successful. They climb high, you had an elevator but you just stopped at second floor. They worked hard while you used your 'genius instinct' to make things work. Are you gonna success with that shitty attitude? No. So it's possible. It's possible to work hard and improve like nobody else's business. It's possible to blow their minds and drop their eyes.

Ah ah out of topic.

But still, why tf am I imagining things like that? Self induced depression comes in every shape and size, it comes in any form, any sec, with any thought. In every conversation, your name blocks my mind. Oh! He...... no I'm not supposed to mention you. Then the whole mood changes, the whole world became dark.

Leave him alone, he's a nice guy.

Our chat used to not have any goodbyes. You only throw me a bye when you're mad. Suddenly, goodbye.

When you feel like a fucking dead corpse, don't get close with people who still have a whole heart.

You're a fucking dead zombie walking through life. Don't drag others down, don't drag them zombie walk with you. Chase them away.

Maybe that's what I'm gonna do.