What happened to the girl who was once scared of group works just because she has trouble getting a group... and when there's no need to move, there's automatically a group for her, it seems... the same. When everyone was pushing the job to one another, when no one wants to do anything for it, is it right to volunteer? I feel like an idiot. Why is it, forcing to complete it early and staying up just to let the members be clear of the big picture on the actual presentation? There are people who need to memorize earlier, and get ready. Last minute preparation. Are you fucking serious? You fucking said you dont care and now? That blue double ticks, what was that for? You've seen it, you even said some shit, but you fucking act like everyone done nothing for it. Oh it is sad, to see your script being denied, it is sad, to see people choosing the one you look down on, but the thing is, thats because you think you're so good! You fucking look down on everyone. I hate, staring at that arrogant ass face, when he mocks at the people before judges get to say a word. Now tbey have the results. The script you said that's gonna fool our class, got a fucking champion. Anything else to say? Imagine during your wasting-time-langguage-period, some uninteresting is speaking in front. I look front, if it's boring me, I look at my book, and do my homework. I look front, and see four crazy ass drawing unplanned shits on the board. That'll be our "awesome" presentation. You think of it will be fun, cuz when you draw, you feel excited. You don't think what the crowd thinks. I don't care anymore. You plan, you tell me exactly what I have to do, clearly, that's all.

It's funny when all your dreams came true, and all your nightmares are over, it's never satisfying. I have a perfect boyfriend. He cares about me, loves me, squeeze out time for me, no matterhow busy he is. He's stressful, and there was a time that we had endless arguments. It's usually small issues and disappointments. We never know, it only took one sentence to prevent a fight. "It's okay. I understand." And think about it. Why. Most of the reasons are, cuz he cares. Hey you. There's always little things that ruin our plans to meet up. We all have our lives. Sometimes, I can't meet up, sometimes you can't. It's okay, we just have to appreciate moments together, but not fight because one couldn't  make it.... cuz when I can't, I feel terrible too.

I miss watching you falling asleep. It's satisfying. When there's shit happening in my life, I remind myself, arrogant asses, piece of shit, that dog, they're not going to last forever. You last, at least, untill the end of my life. Thinking of that makesme happy. I'll try to free myself on this Saturday. Ily.

Care

When my parents care bout me, mmhm. They'll do anything to keep me safe. They'll probably be mad because I didn't listen. Yeah. But. That's because they don't know what I know. They think, going out with boys is dangerous but they didn't know we just go out for badminton,  and they're all nice people, and the closest one of them will look after me.

Pick over road run and you? No. I want both. Why can't you let me? Sacrifices. When it comes to loving each other, we all need to sacrifice. I've quit three of them, dropped one subject, to have more time to work on studies,  to let my parents say OK to let me go, to be with you. Suffer? I'm happy. Camp. Of course, you're top of the list. But that doesn't meant that I don't have my life.. you appear in (max) three days in a week. But they, the people really spending time with me, ya think it's ok to neglect them? No way! It's a friend thing. When we got into fights, they're the ones telling me to let go of you. But no. Explaining how much you meant to me, reminds me to just forget whatever I'm stubbornly fighting for. Friends. I can't give up them.. two camps. If you ask me, how cheese balls and meatballs maintain their relationship,  it was the four days camp. We weren't close. After camp, we got a little closer. After another year, another camp, we got a little more closer. That's how. And yeah. I'm not going.

Sacrifices. Stopping things for you worth it. They're called, saving up time. It's not called suffering. I guess, I'm quite in a high position in your priority list too.. I feel it, I saw it. There's not many guys who would do things like that, driving for so freaking far to find me, while you never been there before, driving alone, while you have exams for the following few days, while you have assignments to rush, while your family is back there. It's a big big thing to me. I really appreciate it. I really do. I know. You stop me, from drinking too much, from making myself too tired, for many things. But do you know,  when one is willing to do things, it's ok, it's not tiring. With me on the road for four hours plus, how was it ? Road run and badminton, it's nothing. It's a target that had been fixed since long ago. Badminton,  it's being with you. You think that's tiring? Yeah maybe, but satisfying. When you study for hours, you kill yourself,  cuz staying up late kills slowly. But you get good results. Does that worth it? When you used to have crazy torturing trainings, you know you have stamina to win this shit, and you get free opportunity to participate for five years. You've screwed up most of the chances, and it's your last year. Will you go? And then meet the one you love the most? Will you?

Yeah I know you care, I really do. I know. But you rather argue, and say these hurtful things, just because you care? I can tell you that,, I can give up on it. I just need time to tell myself, just pretend that I never had that goal before. I hate it, each time you said, "sorry for loving you." It sounds like "I'm breaking up with you." Nah. It probably meant that. Right? It's like. You're done with it. If you care because you love, then why do you say such a thing ? Seriously. You care, I didn't listen,  then, just that? ? So the meaning is, next time I don't listen to any of your advises, then you're breaking up with me ? You might say that I'm over thinking but this is exactly what those words meant. And it sucks. See why I spam? I spam when I think, I should move one step back, cuz you're important than anything of my life. I think I've broke my promise to myself - never let anyone change my decision.

I'm not going to road run.