记得上次和邻座聊天, 说到 这话题, 花痴。每一个女生都是花痴啊。我喜欢很多人。一件小事, 就可以让我永远记住一个人。 去四天三日, 图书馆办的生活营。十人一组。我身为其中一个负责的, 当然让小的走在前面。但老师规定, 一定要前中后一个男的。在森林里的路, 地又粘又滑。
"别跟着我的脚步, 危险。" (几次差点就四脚朝天了)
"没关系, 我会在后面支撑你。"
一句。在心理就加分了。
上次搬饮料。把饮料提起了, 转过身, 就三双手, 伸出来帮忙。喜欢。我都很喜欢他们。这样算花心吗?
我心中帅的意思有三种。一, 是打球厉害。二, 单纯的帅。三, 就是人好。那我心目中, 的确是有很多人很帅。那算花心吗?
我不懂。
The worst day of my 2014 life, was valentines eve. This year, the day after valentines. When I couldn't go to you, where else I can go? That sentence you're released, congrats, do you mean, leave your life?
Mom was so unreasonable. I'm glad that after all this shit, my phone's still working. Yeah I suck. I suck at being a daughter, and a gf. I suck at everything. Everyone living around me are suffering because of me. Huh. Pity him? Let me be alone then! Fuck it. I wanna go to bed, and never wake up. I don't know where to go to. The only place left is my phone. The blog. I know I suck. I'm doing house work, these days, why can't you see the change!? Those jokes. Are not funny at all. Not funny.
When mom talks like that, when he talked like that, I have nothing left. Where do I go to? ?? Spam blog, spam fb, stop crying bitch. There's a dinner tonight and I'm supposed to look good. Don't wet the pillows too cuz tonight the bed is not mine.
They say, we live to make our loves one happy. Then I could kill myself now cuz they're happy without my presence.
Last year, was a mistake. Big big mistake. I neglected studies for other things. It's the past anyway. The only thing I could do for now, is to fix it. I think I can catch up for now, but I have to find time to fix previous mistakes. I thought I have time. Before you came into my life, I really thought I have time. Yeah honestly, I need to throw, to keep up my catch up previous studies plan. I need to throw lots of things. But you knew that I didn't wanna throw you. You knew that. I can throw everything else, people can't be too greedy, we just gotta let go of some things. Not you.
You said you're okay if I throw you aside for studies or other wtv important stuff. You said that. You have exams too. Why can't we study together? Isn't that the best way to keep both of us more boost up? Go. That's the word you've been using the most. Then? I'm ok I guess. Yeah I guess. No I guess. What's that about?
I know I might be busy, busy for things, but now it seems more like you're throwing me away. I wanted to tell you how school had been, how things are happening. Go. Study. Now. Do we have to do this? That busy I meant, I can still find time to update you about life here. I meant, I might reply a bit later but I'll still talk to you with all my heart. Go, you want me to go? That's not the way I throw.
Exams won't make people become strangers. While we all were concentrating, it doesn't meant that I can't socialize with my crazy desk mate, we crap bout things in syllabus, you think thaaat can affect me from studying?
No communications cause people to change. I know. Busy. Not like I can't update you bout my life! You're not letting me. You're not even telling me what's going on there. If we're keeping on this way, we're gonna die. I don't want 'us' to die. Do you understand? Can you please, stop asking me to go? If I wanna study, I'll find a way, and I'll tell you whenever I have to go, not like this. Just now I was having lunch. One of my longest free time ever, and all I could think was you, and telling you all about the things here. And you asked me to go.
Disappointing.