Care

When my parents care bout me, mmhm. They'll do anything to keep me safe. They'll probably be mad because I didn't listen. Yeah. But. That's because they don't know what I know. They think, going out with boys is dangerous but they didn't know we just go out for badminton,  and they're all nice people, and the closest one of them will look after me.

Pick over road run and you? No. I want both. Why can't you let me? Sacrifices. When it comes to loving each other, we all need to sacrifice. I've quit three of them, dropped one subject, to have more time to work on studies,  to let my parents say OK to let me go, to be with you. Suffer? I'm happy. Camp. Of course, you're top of the list. But that doesn't meant that I don't have my life.. you appear in (max) three days in a week. But they, the people really spending time with me, ya think it's ok to neglect them? No way! It's a friend thing. When we got into fights, they're the ones telling me to let go of you. But no. Explaining how much you meant to me, reminds me to just forget whatever I'm stubbornly fighting for. Friends. I can't give up them.. two camps. If you ask me, how cheese balls and meatballs maintain their relationship,  it was the four days camp. We weren't close. After camp, we got a little closer. After another year, another camp, we got a little more closer. That's how. And yeah. I'm not going.

Sacrifices. Stopping things for you worth it. They're called, saving up time. It's not called suffering. I guess, I'm quite in a high position in your priority list too.. I feel it, I saw it. There's not many guys who would do things like that, driving for so freaking far to find me, while you never been there before, driving alone, while you have exams for the following few days, while you have assignments to rush, while your family is back there. It's a big big thing to me. I really appreciate it. I really do. I know. You stop me, from drinking too much, from making myself too tired, for many things. But do you know,  when one is willing to do things, it's ok, it's not tiring. With me on the road for four hours plus, how was it ? Road run and badminton, it's nothing. It's a target that had been fixed since long ago. Badminton,  it's being with you. You think that's tiring? Yeah maybe, but satisfying. When you study for hours, you kill yourself,  cuz staying up late kills slowly. But you get good results. Does that worth it? When you used to have crazy torturing trainings, you know you have stamina to win this shit, and you get free opportunity to participate for five years. You've screwed up most of the chances, and it's your last year. Will you go? And then meet the one you love the most? Will you?

Yeah I know you care, I really do. I know. But you rather argue, and say these hurtful things, just because you care? I can tell you that,, I can give up on it. I just need time to tell myself, just pretend that I never had that goal before. I hate it, each time you said, "sorry for loving you." It sounds like "I'm breaking up with you." Nah. It probably meant that. Right? It's like. You're done with it. If you care because you love, then why do you say such a thing ? Seriously. You care, I didn't listen,  then, just that? ? So the meaning is, next time I don't listen to any of your advises, then you're breaking up with me ? You might say that I'm over thinking but this is exactly what those words meant. And it sucks. See why I spam? I spam when I think, I should move one step back, cuz you're important than anything of my life. I think I've broke my promise to myself - never let anyone change my decision.

I'm not going to road run.