.

I have things to say but I don't wanna make you feel hurt or anything. I know, your past gives you phobia. I know. You're just being careful. But do you know, I wanna be careful too? I guess I shouldn't have leaned back, shouldn't have let you hold. I'm scared too. If I'm having confidence but you used the word 'impossible', I don't think it could work anymore. You don't trust me, don't you? 

I'm not pushing you away. Cuz us being too close, makes me imagine stuff. If it's not even gonna happen, I don't wanna imagine them. Expecting the worst, to avoid disappointments. I expected a lot. I think I might go crazy.

Don't make me over think anymore. I thought 2015 is gonna be a crushless, stressless year. I thought there's no boy issues for me. I liked him, cuz I imagined stuff. That was a mistake. I learnt not to over think. That mistake taught me, imagining things will hurt myself. I couldn't get myself out from that grief for a long time. I don't wanna repeat that mistake. That whole period of liking him, sucks. Dying every day.

You know, that's my concern. I don't wanna die everyday next year. Weeks ago I thought I was finally crushless. Well if all these are just useless imaginations, I will live 2015 like this year, I don't want that.

So please. I have to stop leaning, stop hugging your arm during movies, stop all those habits. I'm so so sorry. I really like you, but your insecure makes me feel insecure.
I'm scared that after all these, you leave.
I'm scared that you'll say, it's impossible.
I'm scared that everything end like this while I'm deeply needing you with me.
I'm scared that after school reopens, you forgot me.
I'm scared that you don't want me with you anymore.
I'm scared that you don't want me to be yours anymore....