23/7 3:00pm. It happened. I expected, a bit, but thought I'm just crazy worried. Yesterday I googled a lot bout dengue. It says, normally the person will slowly recover after the third day from discovering. But if new symptoms appeared, then that's a different story. It also says, dengue antibodies will start to be produced after a week. Wood, be strong, you'll get better, okay? You'll recover.
I feel so lost. Suddenly sitting here, I don't wanna eat. I don't wanna do anything. I wanna go to you, be with you. But I can't, the only thing I can do is sit here, and think of you, and get frustrated, and I don't know what to do!! While at the same time, yip man's so speechless seeing me almost giving up two subjects, and I... I can't concentrate on studying the few main subjects that I think are important.... while... my dad's counting down the days before guitar exam. And I need to drive. What's wrong with my life!? I thought everything's going according to how it's supposed to be. I thought it's finally getting better, the day I kept my table, I wanted to start new. Not... like this. .. I'm such a failure. Woodpecker, I can't do this... why is this happening to you.....

5:35pm. I figured I have to go on. And study more harder. Told my sis, from now on, no sleeping. She said, she thought the same way. I'm gonna study like a mad person. I'm gonna learn a lot this month. You're at the hospital, I can't even do anything. I have no idea how to learn to drive in such short time. I can't do that. I guess I'm gonna study undang first, maybe, as fast as I could. Then will see.. Chemistry, please let me know more bout you. Guitar, I'm gonna set a time, and practice for half an hour, or more. Whenever you're not available to talk, I'll be over here, studying my ass off. And if I get a chance to be with you, I'll fully be with you. Just you.
Love you, wood. Fight hard, you'll be even stronger. Yip man. Don't give me the face when I said I miss my woodpecker. I mean it. Damn. Fuck you dengue. Fuck you.

24/7 1:01pm. Every fucking time I think of you, I talk to my friends. They made me smiled, and laughed. And when it's over, I think of you again. A voice telling me, don't worry, study hard, he'll get well. In car, every day, on my way back home, that's when I got freaking nervous. I'm scared that when I got home, I see the phone, and get to know your condition worsened. I'm scared of that. It happened anyway. What am I gonna do? I know you feel very bad. Not feeling well, and still stressing bout the stuff that should've be done but you left them aside. I get that. I could imagine how I'll go crazy if I got sick and I'm not able to study and do all the things. But what's your aim at first? You're a good son. You want to repay your parents' effort for taking care of you, by being successful. I know I sound stupid. Please, just... get well, and don't stress bout them... they'll be more worried. I'm worried. I feel useless. I'm sure they just want you to be well, healthy and happy. I want you to be well, healthy and happy too... wood, what can I do for you? What can I do, so you get better?
Why is this so unfair... he's such a nice person. He doesn't deserve this. He wants to make the world better, by helping others. Why him? Let him recover, please? Wood... I won't argue with you anymore.... I'll be your good girl...

The worse thing is to look at someone you love, suffer, from distance, and you can't do anything at all. And you can't even be by his side.

Torturing.