I wish I'm the one who got this infection. I wish it happened to me instead of him. Now he's talking to me like he's dying. I'm so scared. Please don't do that to me... you made me imagined you leaving me forever.. wood.. I can give up on everything. I can stop wearing earrings on that piercing. I can stop wearing skirts and dresses ad high heels, anything that's not safe... I just can't live without you...

Promise me, be strong.. you'll go through it, you'll be even stronger.. you'll survive..

9.23pm. I got there, in the hospital. Nervous as hell. Afraid that I'll break down after seeing his condition. He knows his condition very well.. as he explained, I tried to hold my tears. I never knew it's getting this bad. I'm sorry, wood.. I didn't want to cry in front of you... I'm just really sad to see you this painful.. wood, please be strong.. you can do this.. I'll visit you as long as I can.. I miss you... I love you....

11:27. Just now in the car. Mom tried to ask me bout his condition. I know I'm supposed to tell. But I just feel like crying when I tell. Then, I was mad about not able to stay for the night. Mom and grandma kept saying not suitable, blah blah whatever shit, and he'll be alright, I can't even do anything if I stay there. Yes, they're right. I can't do anything. No need to remind me this. But he's not alright. I said, do you know he talks to me like he's dying? My voice cracked now I'm extremely unpresentable. Why can't you just let me stay!? I'm mad. I'm sad. I'm useless, sitting here can't do anything. And damn, why I can't even blog in peace!!!! Can't you just leave me alone!? Fuck. Ok. Where was I.. I think after talking like that,,, she knows I'm just fucking frustrated. She must think it's reasonable that I want to stay for a night.

Leave me alone. I talked so badly to everyone. I'm sorry, everyone. Just don't look at my face. Let me be with him...