Parents. They just won't shut the fuck up. I know you wanna help. You can't help to make me feel less useless. You can't help to make me stop hating myself. I can't do ANYTHING!!! I'm just here. I'm sad that the world is something we cant change. We can't change the fact that humans die. Nothing can change that.

Stop asking me what's wrong. Stop talking to me. I want to be alone. Don't look at my face.

I know I can't do anything. But when he's suffering, I can't even hold him. I wanna put down everything. I wanna put everything aside for him. But I'm trapped here. Having trials next week. Can you help me? Help me pause my life while I go into his. Help me pause them all so I could be with him but not neglecting studies at the same time. Get me out of here, let me stay with him. Let me hold him.

Nah, parents. They won't allow. Dangerous huh. Let me tell you what's dangerous. A person giving up on herself. A person who could use the time to study but sat there being upset blankly instead. A person feeling like suiciding so badly but trying to live. A person dying inside, because she can't even care for what she cares for.

I wish I know meditation. I would stop my heart from beating. The best way to suicide.

Nightmares are actually good. It reminds us of how the world isn't that scary. Unless, you're getting nightmares even when you're not asleep. It means your life is screwed. There's no way out except dying.