Again.

I lied. I twisted, a bit. Thought that won't affect anything. My right ankle, I've twisted it countless times and I'm not even sure if this weird feeling was caused months ago or it's because of yesterday. But one thing I know, I think that pain stopped for weeks and now it's back.

You never know. How hard it is to choose. All those instruments, I love them all. I can't quit any of them. I can't choose badminton over them. Can't choose results over them. Or also, the other way round. I can't choose over everything, the only thing I could do is do my best in everything.

Hate to disappoint training mate and coach.
Hate to disappoint all four music teachers.
Hate to disappoint school teachers.
Hate to disappoint parents.

They all have high expectations from me. When he's telling me how, when coach's telling me I'm doing it wrong again, when he said he'll listen when I finally memorized all the grade 7 scales, when he said I still needa buck up more on the speed, when she said I could do better, and when he said I didn't practice enough. I'm not just disappointing them I'm disappointing myself. The results. When I see my fucking results, I really wanna work hard but I'm falling behind. Training mate. You never know. When you're telling me how dropping works, how lifting works, I know I'll disappoint you, and you're so freaking sincere, I can't help but feel bad, that's what distracting me, I can't do it.

Pmr taught me I could catch up everything in two weeks if I quit all of them for a while. I know,  spm doesn't work that way. I'll fucking die. What the heck is my major? I'm too greedy. I won't freaking quit anything. But I'll always appreciate all of them, their effort and hope that I'll do good. I'll improve all, but progress will not be fast. Sorry everyone. Truly. 

Three more years, I don't think I can live like this for three freaking years. If I'm forced to quit one, maybe it'll be electric guitar. Yeah and I can save up that money for acoustic amp. I wish I have 36 hours in a day. I wish I'm an immortal that doesnt have to sleep. I wish I have the ability to continue all these. Just three more years, I can focus on badminton and music. Three more years.