Last night, I've just finished reading a book. It's about a girl's life while trying to earn a scholarship into a music school. She's 16 years old, just like me. From the book, it says she had a crazily packed schedule, but her life is almost all about her practicing life, her violin classes, her love life and a bit of exercising.
I don't know whether I'm jealous of her, or pitying her. Cuz I've saved time without having a love life, but I have school life! Which she doesn't have. Lucky girl. I wish I could have full time practicing, and don't have to worry about pride in school. You know. When you ignore your studies, your everyday in school will be like days that you don't wanna be known. It's embarrassing to have terrible results. Cuz school friends don't see the successful side of you(music).
But ignoring music results is much worse. Yesterday I attended a guitar masterclass. I feel very bad. I thought I played well. But seeing others being so good at young age is so damn hurtful. I started nine years ago, and I don't play well than him, who started waaaaay later. I don't know how to live! Man. If I dont do well in music abd in school, what am I doing well? I seriously can't tell. I'm not good in anything. Life sucks. So which one should I ignore?
A few of us are offered a chance to move to the next two classes. That's where lychee's in. I would wanna go there, together with her. But due to my terrible results, I'll be harder to even raise my chin up in that class. There's the smartasses there. I don't wanna make a fool in front of them, so if I accept the offer, I'll have to work hard. And that means it's a bad thing for music.
I'm screwed.
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