...

Maybe I'm not able to have my first as my last. You're doubting. Why would you kiss me if you don't trust me. I really don't get it. How do we even maintain if you can't trust me. Your phobia? Maybe your heartbreaks are caused by your doubts towards them! I can't accept if my boyfriend thinks I'm cheating on him. I can't accept being think thaaat way! You know me. Maybe this being honest doesn't even help cuz you're doubting. Whatever I'm trying to tell you, will be stated here! And if you're doubting me, you're doubting everything here. You're far away all the time. You're busy. You're doubting me. Time, we don't have much time. Don't, if you're unsure, I'm unsure, feel like losing you. How can you make me so attached to you and tell me that you don't trust me enough. Push me away then! Just tell me. Tell me to leave you alone, tell me that you don't trust me. I'll stop holding you, I'll stop leaning I'll do whatever to make myself go away,  at least be crushless again if it's what it should be! Damn I don't think I can live this. Tell me I'm better being your friend your junior. I could tell you. congratulations, that she accepted you after a month's investigation, I could tell you, I'll appreciate your last days here cuz I know you're leaving, you were my best friend, that I'm ready to say goodbye.

Damn it, why date me, why make me start loving you. It's too late that I'm already into you. Maybe this year is just gonna be like last year. Pointless. Ah maybe I should get back to whatever I should be doing,  not spending time for someone that doesn't even trust me. My way of doing things should be.... don't let anyone affect me. What the fuck am I doing. I might have just repeated my mistakes. I let that dude hold me. Now worse. Why won't I ever learn. I'm so fucking stupid. I liked him for two years, I probably should continue. Everyone has to fail once huh? You told me cuz you're failing me ? I would rather continue that never ending pointless crush. You made me can't lose you. Why did you do that?

Screw it I'm gonna die everyday.