You have no idea how your words affect people's lives, how a person who's gonna sleep lose all that tiredness, how he was and became after things you've said.

Every time you made conclusions on your own, whenever there were misunderstanding, there will be a sentence popping out. Maybe you don't know me well enough to promise a future. I thought you knew how, this tiring will be like. I thought you would understand. People kill themselves for getting sacked, I felt dead for being unable to sack myself. I wanna end this thing so badly and you knew it all! Why would you say something like that.
Joke? Wtf. Joke!? My tiredness was never jokes. I don't joke and play around like you imagine kay. I was just tired. Don't you already knew!? Option 4. I am gonna pick option 4. Studies lead me to higher opportunities to better schools, music is gonna be my future. You are my future too. You think I can simply throw one aside! ? No! I just wanna finish my job! Don't you know??? I can barely open my eyes! You expect me to be that curious when I'm half dead? Oh teach me then!

The only option was option 4. I didn't have options at all. Whatever you're expecting, I'm too fail to do it, I'm sorry I'm not a good gf to be with. I'm sorry I can't stand the tiredness my day has made me. I just sucked kay? Can't you just give me more time? You said later. You know how much I wanna make you say it immediately? But it's just not right to force like that. So that's called 'not curious enough'? You respect someone's decision but getting said not curious enough!? Wtf? What do you want then, I really don't know how to live already, seems like nothing is right.

Why can't you give me time. When I woke up, it was three something. I was kinda glad I said I couldn't make it for training. I'm fed up. You're asleep. You know what I'm not able to do when I'm going crazy. Now you're making me go crazy. At this time. I don't get it. Is this what you want?

You're like somewhere I run to when life is killing. Idk. In your arms, even when you're not saying anything, you make me feel that... you care, you understand, and you'll always be there when you're able to.... but do you know, these things that you've said.. they're so much more unacceptable, than that library teacher,  than idiot prefects, than parents.. where do I run to now.. I miss you. I don't want your doubts. Your doubts are killing me. So hard to live like this...

Fuck it's middle of night. And I've nothing big enough to hug. You know how awesome it is to imagine AGM? While my speech will be shouting how awesome it is to finally retire and get rid of this stupid job that's making me act crazily and getting my bf to think me like that! I can't sleep