You

Fuck. You think I wanna sleep late? You think I wanna NO MOOD to do!? It was you. Doesn't matter who affects my day, they don't affect me doing things. Only you do. You. You think I don't give a shit? How do I give a shit? Can you come and live my life and try to think what to tell me again? You don't know. If I can, of course I'll sleep earlier. You know how pig I am. I'm always tired. You know I have naps. I have enough rest. I'm so trying my best to catch up whatever shit the class is doing. It's just for the week. I'm so fed up. Why do you speak like that. I'm about to sleep and now I'm typing with speed. Wide awake. Yeah I need to finish them. Sleep? Maybe later. Like that isit? Finish my work means no rest. You want me to rest. How bout hw? How bout other things? You're my first priority. But you don't know, I don't wanna throw you aside. I rather leave the things behind and do it when you're asleep or wtv. I didn't have time at all. Cuz I don't wanna throw you aside, I'm so dying. You know??

I'm such a failure. Guitar teacher thinks I don't practice. I kinda agree with him cuz my fingertip skins are getting thinner. It sucks. You think I don't wanna practice?  How to even squeeze out time when you're so tired to death!? Violin teacher thinks I play badminton all the time. Which sucks too. Huh. My badminton sucks like hell. If I were the audience,  I would mock at myself. Oh this girl, trained for freaking two years plus? Haha. So funny. And we get under five for thirty points. Whenever I partner with you,  if you could read my mind, you would go crazy reading it. It's so hopeless. I'm such a failure. And you think I don't care about myself. Idk. I only know,  I care more bout you,  how you think. I don't do well in studies, in music, in badminton, even with you, even with my family,  I'm a big ass failure. What else can I do? How do you think of essays when you have the word "What else can I do?" In my head all the time. I dk how. I'm so enough. Next time I reborn I would like to be a tree. Stressless. My life will be like this, for another three years. I think I can manage to live. Nah I'm sure I can. I just have to disappoint everyone.

Fml. It's the middle of the night. I'm having freaking running nose. I wanna cry. I wanna sing out loud. My sister's asleep. What can I do at this moment. How can I finish my essay having all shit in my head. We're just together for three weeks. What's wrong with us? They say everyone has to fail once. I don't want. I don't want to fail being with you. But it's just not right like this. You don't even feel that I'm yours. I don't really 'don't give shit'. I can't. It's gonna be a loooong midnight. Fuck